Start building REAL self confidence!
It’s about time you start building some INTERNAL self-confidence. All too often you rely on external factors to boost your self-esteem. You feed your sense of self with salaries, possessions, and social ties. Unfortunately, this is an appetite for destruction. When you rely strictly on external factors for your self-esteem you are forfeiting all of your control in the matter. You are essentially gambling with your confidence on the line. This is because anything outside of yourself (i.e friends, job, money, health) can be taken from you at any moment. That’s why it’s time to begin developing your self-esteem internally.
A great way to start building a strong sense of self is to review your current strengths. This needs to be more involved than just running through a mental list. In fact, it will be important to set aside time for this. Developing this list may be difficult. People sometimes say “I don’t have any strengths”, but this is not true. It may take re-framing your perspective. Making it through the day may be a tremendous strength, which is called resiliency.
Some people may enjoy doing their own inventory with pen and paper. Here are some questions to ask yourself to get started:
- What has helped me get to where I am right now?
- What is one thing I truly enjoy in this world?
- What are some good things I have heard others say about me?
- Is there anything at all that I am proud of?
Sometimes talking with yourself can be challenging and can lead to a dead-end. If you have a close friend or family member it may be great to sit down with them to have a discussion about your strengths. This may make it a bit easier and it may help you identify some additional strengths.
If you have done a good job at assessing your strengths, chances are you have identified some things you enjoy to do. Maybe you are funny, or a great host, or good at sports. Continue to pursue these things. Be sure to incorporate them consistently into your schedule. We feel the best when we are engaged in something we enjoy. No matter what that is, go for it. If you are a good planner, plan the heck out of your next event. If you have a good sense of humor, make people laugh. Just do you! The more you engage in these activities, the more your self-esteem will grow. People often forget to do the things they love because they are busy trying to build self-esteem with external achievements. Again, this will never satisfy your desire to be the best you. Take the time to put your heart into the things you love. It’s guaranteed to be rewarding.
People sometimes feel that self-esteem should just exist and if it doesn’t there is something wrong with them. Self esteem is not always something that comes natural. Like anything else in this world, building self esteem takes hard work. It may take planning and perseverance. Additionally, setting and achieving goals will be crucial for your sense of self. You will want to avoid goals like getting a promotion or buying a new car. The goals you want to set need to be focused on you as a person. Are there aspects about your personality that you would like to change? Are there situations that you are not so comfortable in? Begin to ask yourself questions like this and start to develop goals based off your answers. An example of this is below:
Question to ask yourself: What are some situations that I am not comfortable in or try to avoid?
Hypothetical Answer: I feel really uncomfortable engaging in conversation with new people and often avoid this type of interaction.
Hypothetical Goal: I will engage in at least 1 conversation with a new person this week.
It is extremely important to ensure that your goals are realistic. If you have a hard time interacting in big crowds it would not be realistic to attend a concert every day of the week. Essentially, you do not want to set yourself up for failure, but you want a bit of challenge. Once you begin to achieve some of these goals you can expand your growth. Each achievement will be another step closer to being your ideal self.
Keep working on you and remember a strong sense of self grounded internally can’t be shaken!